A Habit Forgotten

I’m back!

The two words above are far more true than I wish to acknowledge. In the end of this recent developments, I find myself back in a place where I was once very comfortable. But now, I feel like a square piece of a puzzle set that is being forced into a triangular hole. I have changed and now, when I want to pick up something I dropped some time ago, I find it difficult to even figure out where to begin from.

Does it matter why I dropped something I loved once? Does it matter that I feel lost, now that I have forgotten how I actually started it in the first place? Perhaps this is all just a boring post born from my fears of regression. After all, wouldn’t you interpret picking up an old habit once again as a reversed development?

This place I am in (physically, not mentally or in some other sense) is a place of several achievements. I started the now-forgotten habit in the truest sense in this place. I traveled on other’s journeys – hundreds of journeys, in fact – in this place. I even enjoyed leading myself on some unexpected paths as I wandered around in possibilities.

And it is here that I am now finding myself lost on how to locate the doorway to those journeys. For though I have forgotten the entrance, I cannot forget the journeys I planned to go and still haven’t completed.

It is now turning into a rant, I fear, within my head and so I must bid farewell now. I’m not going away. But I’m thinking that a journey back into myself is a journey long overdue.

Lost

I feel like I have started to lose myself. I do not know the how, the why and the where, but I do know that this isn’t what I was supposed to be.

I look at others and they feel so in control. Like they are doing what they were born to be doing. Or are on the road to reaching that point in life. But I? I am still figuring out how to open my eyes.

I am sorry but I can’t do more today.

“The biggest regret we had was not that we weren’t all that we wanted to be, but that we weren’t anything we had ever wanted to be.”

Ramblings. Happy Christmas to you all.

Is it ever really possible to not be broken? To ever feel like you aren’t losing vital parts of yourself with every breath you take?

This won’t be a normal post. It is just that I need a place to speak my thoughts.

As I typed the words above, I realized I do not fear hateful comments here, for that is my advantage of being anonymous. On here, I can just be ignored.

Back to the topic I was typing for, if any. Is it really possible for us to always go through the life without feeling it drag it down? Doesn’t it seem to chip at you constantly, hitting your weak points when it can and creating new ones when it can’t?

“Do to others what you would like to be done with you.” “If you cannot do something good, do not do anything bad either.” These have been the words which with I have lived by all these years.

Can someone tell me, why they should matter in this world where everyone’s out for their own good? Where in those words, it has been preached that it would be better to simply do nothing rather than trying to do good? And I mean actual good, not those shades of good and bad where you realize that your actions are both good for some and bad for others?

On this cold night of being with people we care for and who love us in return, it feels depressing to not have one true person around me to whom I can truly turn to. For everyone is doing the best for their own good. Or they are lost in the lies they have told themselves about life that they are too blind to try.

Is it really so easy to ignore someone, a hundred someones in a different case even, who need help unless they make a noise? And is it really that easy to not care when they do?

The world favors the one who can make the loudest noise. But what about those whose screams have turned their throats so hoarse that they can’t even whisper now? Do they deserve to be forgotten – ignored because they weren’t the loudest? Do the tired no longer matter, who without any motivation left for doing so, simply have stopped trying to scream?

They too, I suspect, have chosen to turn deaf to others’ screams lest they be reminded of their failures. There is no cohesion in anything I speak now, nor do I have the slightest of interest in pulling any of me together. What I have spoken may just be mad ramblings or they may be my deepest frustrations expressed somewhere no one I know in real life would know about and bother me for.

Within 82 minutes, it would be Christmas here. If nothing else, take note of this:

Happy Christmas.

[POTENTIAL] Video Game Idea

This one’s a little different but once it struck, it got stuck.

The game, after the intro, starts with the man waking up from the sleep at the beeping of the alarm which was set for 8 AM. “Today is the day. Today is when I get my revenge. It’s my only chance. I need to get ready now.” That’s it. That’s all the game does on its own. Everything else, from finding out who this person is to the point of getting through without getting caught is up to the player. And the answer to every question regarding the character’s identity and plan, but NOT the motivation hides within the intro scene.

Intro scene is of the man preparing for the plan late at night and the camera slides over, just like a movie intro, random things that in fact give the one who’s really looking every info needed. The intro ends with the man going to sleep, by the way.

The real twist comes in finding out the motivation, for which the player has to find the four possible endings (getting caught and unsuccessful, getting caught and successful, successful and running away and a…*) to have enough data to piece the whole story together.

And since the character wasn’t born as such in the middle of the night, he can interact with the other characters as a part of daily life, who can even call out on his odd behavior if they see him acting out. Player’s words in the conversation decide how the story behaves with the player. Not every conversation is to be exhausted with everyone – and with questions disappearing that no longer need an explanation. The thread then appears in the ‘Talk about…’ though.

There are different kinds of characters. Some good guys, some bad guys and some unknowns who can all interact with the character. They each know something but one thing is made clear: the character is not a total enigma but has moved to the game’s setting and not lived here all his life, thus making his past not quite known.

And that’s it. That really is all. But the way you act decides the rank the game assigns you in the end: Lost, psychopath, vengeful, assassin, grieving, amnesiac, suspicious.

And since the character said that this is the last chance (another point that the character will have to find the reason behind if curious), the maximum duration will be till the end of midnight, while the player also sating the different health needs of the character.

The game begins, in game, at 8 AM but it is the player who decides when the game ends. (and how it ends.)

And as a bonus confession: By staying home, you’ll be receiving calls from your old life –  explaining away the motivation while failing the game.

What do you think?
*And I am not going to spoil the most hardest (to achieve) ending of all. Just be happy with the bonus confession.

[POTENTIAL] A greener road

Global warming is a phenomenon that is directly associated as a result of a large amount of emissions into the atmosphere. Road construction is one of the initial stages of development. So, in the world that is focusing on sustainable development, why not we start with combining the two?

Welcome to Narrating The Dream and this time I have a suggestion of combining the two basics for a better idea: Roads that absorb the gases to age and strengthen.

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The Teachers, Part 2

I thought I was done saying all I had to say regarding the importance in fact the role of teachers but then, almost a month ago,  I realized I barely had scratched the surface.

So welcome to this newest post of Narrating the Dream and here I add another part of a part-tribute, part-observation about the teachers.

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