The Noise in the Silence

My head hurts… I don’t want to focus on anything. I’m too scared. Let’s try deep breathing.

It’s not working. I cannot get over the strange thoughts of my head. I wish… I want… But how do I make this happen?

I’m scared. I’m so… So scared. I feel my own thoughts echo in the silent room. The music tries to drown them out but I still feel them there. Just at the edge of it all, trying to drag me back into the terrifying unknown.

What I want… What I’ve been vying for… It was the end solution of a problem I haven’t even begun solving. Is it so wrong to want to be helped? When I’m paralyzed by the fear, hesitant to move away from the familiar… Is it wrong to want to be helped, to be guided?

Is a slow immersion not better than jumping all in? I can feel the heart racing within, the numbness settling deep inside…

I don’t want to talk anymore.

5th birthday… Restart?

This place went silent, one of the few indications of the moment I lost my “voice”. I tried to set up a rhythm I couldn’t handle and it became too much of an effort to do anything.

This wasn’t supposed to be like this. My place to be me was never supposed to be a burden

So here we go again… Through the good times and the bad, this time I’ll stay here

Into the blue

Hi everyone. I haven’t had much to post about recently. But today was my first swimming lesson.

It was surprisingly easy and fun. The things I read online and worried about, things I tried to learn on my own but couldn’t … I got a start on them as easily as spelling the word ‘easily’.

I guess I can mark this memory as a reinforcement for the popular saying, “If you had started when you thought about it, you would already be done”.

That’s it from me. What about you? What was your “should have started earlier” moment?

[Abandoned] Story Idea ‘Guilty’

One unintentional slip-up and the perfect life falls apart…

Cody Simmons has been blessed with a special set of mutated genes that give him special powers. As the masked vigilante ‘Mutant’, he works with the local police to help against crime while fulfilling his hero fantasies… until the day he turns into the public enemy number one.

The right man at the wrong place…

Zackary Owens is just a nobody and he’s satisfied with this label. But when his hobby of capturing random things with the lens lead to devastating consequences, he finds himself as the biggest obstacle in bringing the truth to light.

The self-loathing we carry

We know it’s not right.
We know it goes against us.
We know we should say no.

But we don’t.

For sake of stupid relationships that don’t really exist.
For sake of a social standing that’s really nothing.
For sake of lies we tell ourselves about that we will make up for it.

And we ignore that feeling that settles in deep within us, adding another piece of explosive to the time bomb that’s ticking. The bomb that’s always ticking.

Welcome to Narrating The Dream and this is about something very few of us are able to say no. It breeds within, striking when we are down to keep us there, and always hang in the shadows of our normal moments. It’s name? Self-loathing.

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‘Let’s just get it over with’

“Something that matters more is coming up, let’s just get it over with!”

“This has gone on too long! Let’s just get it over with.”

“I don’t want to do this. Let’s just get it over with.”

It is a tendency most of us share when dealing with things we don’t really want to do. We take shortcuts, making the work short and cutting corners, and ultimately turn in a work that’s not the quality we would ever be proud about. The consequences always follow an action and this lazy piece of work often leads to situations where we wish we had just cared a little bit more or did things a bit better. Sometimes, we might just get away with things of poor quality but that’s not a fair expectation to hold for ourselves. Because here’s the thing: When being evaluated/reviewed, we are only as good as our worst piece of work.

Welcome to Narrating The Dream and this post is about facing the limitation that is most likely to stop us from being great.

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Writing: Haunted by the characters

After so long, here’s another writing tip that I have experienced. This one hasn’t been there for all of my characters from the start, so it’s not a compulsory one to begin with. Well, that’s a lie. Every story idea I ever tried to consider writing has haunted me at one time or another. Because I took it as a sign that I was really interested in telling their tales, I was willing to give them a chance. And that’s exactly my point (which fits nicely with the points I made in another post of mine ‘Idea’). If you are not haunted by the characters who keep giving you flashes of what things they go through, if you are not interested in their journey and its end, then why are you even trying to force what their story should be? If you think about it, you’ll realize that the actions that your characters take are not what their personality would make them choose, those actions are what you would choose in their position.

I remember that there was a test of how close you are to your main character. It was so long that I’ve forgotten the website but I do remember that results were quite surprising. Most of my characters were way too similar like me to have their own unique personality. It felt as if I was role playing in these stories as the main characters. Obviously on first sight, this doesn’t sound bad. But if you reread the whole stuff later, you’ll find a gap between the person and the personality. And the odd fact about the test was that the one story I was least willing to start (not because of personality but due to lack of knowledge regarding the setting) was just perfectly crafted as per the text. This realization was what made me think about what exactly were my responsibilities towards the characters and the story.

I realized that most of my work was done the moment I introduced the setting and put my characters in it. What happened from that point onwards was not to be influenced by me (at least not in any prominent way)  and all I had to do was simply report their thoughts and actions. It was kind of like watching a movie with all senses immersed. I can hear what they hear and say, I can smell what they smell, feel what they feel but I was not them. They were separate people with their strengths and weaknesses and we may not even have anything common at all.
But I didn’t dare to judge – or even restrict – them, letting their personalities and thoughts and pasts to settle in my mind so that they can make the choice most suited to their character.

Writing is said to be a solitary thing but if you do it right, you won’t be alone in the head. And if you have the luck in spades, you won’t be alone outside your head either.