The Noise in the Silence

My head hurts… I don’t want to focus on anything. I’m too scared. Let’s try deep breathing.

It’s not working. I cannot get over the strange thoughts of my head. I wish… I want… But how do I make this happen?

I’m scared. I’m so… So scared. I feel my own thoughts echo in the silent room. The music tries to drown them out but I still feel them there. Just at the edge of it all, trying to drag me back into the terrifying unknown.

What I want… What I’ve been vying for… It was the end solution of a problem I haven’t even begun solving. Is it so wrong to want to be helped? When I’m paralyzed by the fear, hesitant to move away from the familiar… Is it wrong to want to be helped, to be guided?

Is a slow immersion not better than jumping all in? I can feel the heart racing within, the numbness settling deep inside…

I don’t want to talk anymore.