The self-loathing we carry

We know it’s not right.
We know it goes against us.
We know we should say no.

But we don’t.

For sake of stupid relationships that don’t really exist.
For sake of a social standing that’s really nothing.
For sake of lies we tell ourselves about that we will make up for it.

And we ignore that feeling that settles in deep within us, adding another piece of explosive to the time bomb that’s ticking. The bomb that’s always ticking.

Welcome to Narrating The Dream and this is about something very few of us are able to say no. It breeds within, striking when we are down to keep us there, and always hang in the shadows of our normal moments. It’s name? Self-loathing.

It could be something as small as going  out with a crowd you don’t relate with while you feel there’s probably something else (optional bonus: better) you could be doing.

It could be staying behind for something that will never matter.

It could be something as severe as making a life-changing choice, that will push you down a path you once vowed to never to go down, even though you were wholeheartedly in support of your promise.

It could be being pushed on any path just because you didn’t make up your mind to support (or deny) the vow you made with every inch of your being.

But what if a thing you start initially with heaps of regret and self-loathing turn out to be something wonderful? That chance encounter with your ‘one’. That lucky turn of events that open up new potentials to rediscover your desires and hobbies. Or maybe you might find an unexpected chance to move your career in a direction you like.

It could be something wonderful.

Or it could lead to something worse, but I don’t need to go further to start your imagination about all it.

The point of this post doesn’t exist. I’m coming up with things as I feel them. Robert Frost wrote in a poem that’s extremely popular about choices we make on the crossroads and do what we may, we always will be full of self-loathing if we let it consume us about the missed opportunities.

But then so what? Do we just become impulsive, living in the moment with no care for what happens next? No. Definitely not.

To some it might be like drawing a line in the sand, to some it might be like leaving marks on the rocks, but what I suggest loops back to the beginning of this post.

Define your hard limits.

It’s okay to stumble. It’s okay to fall. Just don’t let anyone keep you like that. Leave them behind and just hope that someday you’ll find someone to extend a helping hand to you when you have a hard time.

You will miss out on some things probably but you won’t break your limits. And if something’s meant to be, it should find it’s way to you again. I hope so and if you believe that’s naive, let me ask you one thing.


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