“Are you happy now?” I yell at the skies as if everyone in my life can hear me through it.
“Not really, no.”
Stupefied at the response, it takes me some time to realize that it came not from the sky but from behind. I turn around and I see her standing there with concern clear on her face. “This will keep you moving even as you take time to find yourself.”
She steps closer and I see the worry in her eyes. It’s a good thing we never felt the urge to be anything more than friends. I can’t lose my rock. I feel as if she’s giving me strength to go through this when she comforts me with a hand on my shoulder.
“How did you know? What you want to be, how did you know?” I ask her the one question whose answer still eludes me. She smiles sadly, already hinting at her next words.
“This is not an ‘one size fits all’ situation. You have to find your passion. If you do not think you have found it in all you have known so far, then tell me, what should be done next?”
I smile despite my melancholic mood because I see how she helps me make my decision than make them for me. “You want me to look beyond what I know. This is why you all made me join the community college. To expand my mindset.”
The embarrassed gaze tries to look away but I hold her face gently so that she can’t. Then, with absolute sincerity, I let her know what I think of all this scheming. “Thank you.”
“When tomorrow comes… ” I start, recalling a past desire of just getting by. “I want to be a worthy friend for you whenever you need me.”
‘There’s always a story.’ I recall my own words of a time as different as Heaven and Hell. That, of course, was my Heaven. But this is worse than any Hell.
“The court finds you guilty.” I tune out the rest as these five words keep ringing in my head. guilty. Guilty. GUILTY! “Ah!” I jump up on my bed with a scream, my heart still pumping wildly in response to the nightmare.
“Keep it down in there!” A guard yells from out there somewhere and I wonder why he’s still here and not back in his home. This shout is in reply to the crude commentary that starts in response to my screams. Part of me is disgusted by them while another is terrified. Once the idea is there, how long before they respond?
Slap! The sudden physical contact finds no resistance and I fall under its impact, knocking my head violently against the drab gray wall of the cell. “I warned you. Your charge of insider trading is like stealing a lollipop from a baby in front of what we have done.” The gruff voice of my cell mate reminds me of his previous warning. “A next time will make those shouts outside a reality.”
I cower, knowing there’s no hope of any mercy from this bulky hardened criminal. ‘Don’t even think of fighting back. You’re too weak right now.’ But the fear is too strong to just accept this new reality. The night, or what is left of it, is a waste now. There would be no sleeping.
“How will I survive these five years?” I ask without making a sound. The prison cell offers me no reply. I am absolutely terrified of what the future will bring, after the crude explicit comments from both the prisoners and the officers.
“Can’t I just flip through the pages of this chapter and just be done with this place?”
“If tomorrow comes… I don’t even know what I want.”
Do you know someone who is occasionally demotivated or just can’t get back up? Do you know someone who would appreciate the words of encouragement? Do you think as well that we all perk up when a stranger complements us?
This was the core idea behind the entire cooperative ‘The Motivators’. Every day a new motivation would have been posted in the general section, with relevant new posts also being made in different other sections. Originally imagined as a for-profit organization, I later revised the idea to make it a community based project in which anyone (with sufficient training on providing positive reinforcement) can be a part of the community who can broadcast himself/herself as one of The Motivator who will be there to help the distressed.
But I lost the motivation to work on it myself. Ironic, huh?
So I decided to spread the idea so someone else may start it.
My only request is that you remember to keep it free. Because these words of help should not be tainted by the mark of cost. The entire desired impact will be countered. This means that we can only have volunteers and nothing more.
“Those who preach that we learn more from our failures than our successes should also add in their preaching that we must have a trustable ally on our side. Because failure hurts. Always. And we aren’t always strong enough to stand back up. “
Mozart said, “Let’s go on a journey.”
In this life, we all keep struggling to deal with our weaknesses and improve our strengths. And, among other journeys, I think that it is time to accept that THIS is the perfect time for a new journey. Continue reading
This one is hard to express properly. I hope I get it right.
“When you feel angry (at life) on behalf of someone who isn’t showing any negative emotion publicly, the result is a mix of inner realizations. It is a matter of pride to know that we care that deeply for someone, it is an embarrassing moment to feel like an idiot for making a baseless stand, it is horrifying to learn that we are not as strong as that person to be able to control ourselves and it is then our respect for that person increases because they realize that making a fuss won’t help in any way.”
At times when people complain that I am being too involved in things that don’t affect me, I have this thought give me strength.
“Just because something doesn’t seem to be affecting me, it isn’t correct to say that it won’t affect me. Why risk being shortsighted?”