From the sounds of silence

“The silence was deafening.” Logic states that the sentence is a paradox since the lack of noise cannot be exactly deafening. But to those who have experienced it, with the lucky souls among us being able to savor them as well, this statement is as true as the fact that water solidifies to ice.  There is a strange quality that silence possesses that suddenly amplifies every thought we have to a very loud volume. And it is even more so for the deaf, as one might observe when undergoing a partial or momentary deafness due to one reason or another. And in this silence, we often hear things that we ignore otherwise.

Welcome to this newest post of Narrating the Dream, which I’m crafting as I speak on the effect of silence. Please be aware that there would definitely errors.

There are only a few people comfortable in the silence. Only a few people exist who can relax to the silence even as the world around us rushes by in a mix of blurs and noises. I’m not one of them. To me, the silence gets ‘deafening’ as everything that otherwise goes unnoticed finds a strong voice that I just can’t ignore. The sound of blood rushing through the veins and arteries above the ears, the sound of every breath that I take, and many other sounds find a voice. It isn’t hard to tune them out for we have adapted ourselves to ignoring these little but important things. And when we do that, all that we are left with is silence.

Today, we are so attuned to the presence of noise and sound and music all around us that even a moment of silence is capable of creating a restlessness within us. People say that silence allows you to discover your thoughts, helps to organize them and improve their quality. Silence is said to allow one to reflect onto one’s own self and look deep within themselves. The sad part is that most of us don’t want that because the very first stage of this is facing our sins and mistakes. We are unwilling to remember every act that we did wrong (that pops into our minds) and try to block them out permanently while the silence is the tool that removes all blocks.

And even though I know that beyond this stage comes the stage of acceptance and self-exploration where we truly learn about ourselves, I can’t bring myself to endure it. Because the terror of remembering all the shame, as if thinking that anyone I talk to next would be automatically be able to read them off my mind and judge me, is one that is very hard to overcome. It’s not impossible but it needs the determination that I haven’t been able to gather now. Writing about this now makes me feel like I am ready now but a part of me still wants to wait for the ‘right time’. Some person said that there is no time like the present and though I agree, I still hesitate to face my own demons. Because sometimes, the result is not something we think we are better off knowing. And I fear this to be one of them.

But then my eyes wander to one of the motivation pics that I have about the worth of fear and I feel that just maybe I can do it. And maybe I will try it within the next 24 hours. But I will never tell what happened. Because some things just aren’t meant to be shared. And I know this to be one of them. (And I see how far I just diverted from the topic. Let’s get back on track.)

My point was that the silence is one of the most important tools of self-reflection and that it is always present and trying to make itself ‘heard’. It is not a comfortable thing to endure for the results may not be always satisfactory but that doesn’t mean we should just run away from it.

Sometimes, we just have to face our fears. Don’t you agree?

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